What we reveal

So when did "fun" become a euphemism for sex? As in an eye-glinting question "So, so you want to have fun? i know it's been forever, but when I was younger, the term was never bandied around in such a manner. While I'm whole-heartedly embracing the dating thing, some might say a little too enthusiastically, there are moments when I am genuinely amused - and bemused.I guess some of my puzzlement comes from the fact that I've never really dated before. Ever. From my late teens, I guess I've been what could be termed a serial monogamist. Sure, sometimes relationships might have overlapped in a grey, foggy  new beginning preceding end way, but there's always been someone new immediately following the break up. So I've never actively gone out with a range of people without ending up in a relationship. I'm also discovering a whole other side of human nature and openness about sex which is refreshing, even if at times blase.and confronting.

After enduring another lecture from one of my dear male friends exhorting me to choose and settle down with just one person, I found myself examining my choices of late, and realised that actions speak louder than words. I'm having a great time at the moment. So why should I settle? I've also expanded my boundaries - after deciding I couldn't date men more than 5 years younger than me, I've discovered oh yes I can! While there's the pitfalls of immaturity and self absorption, I'm finding that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with age. And younger men are generally a lot less complicated - no wives, ex-wives, children etc. They are available at a moments notice and happy to drive sometimes unexpectedly and spontaneously across town with the "fun" carrot dangling enticingly - and if it doesn't work out that way, there's no resentment. There is also the issue of physicality where youth and beauty are not a dim memory of a bygone era.

A couple of weekends ago, I met the loveliest guy in Sydney. After contacting online, we talked on the phone, then did a Face to Face call. We were both relaxed and not feeling any pressure when we met on the Friday night - he was funny, and fun and wonderful and a genuinely nice guy, He had a really early start on Saturday morning, yet on Saturday night sent me a text telling me how much he'd enjoyed meeting me, and he hoped we could do it again. Perfect. I let him know I'd give him a call when I know the details of my next trip. all good and wonderful. And the travelling encounter works both ways - over the past month I've met appreciably younger men who are passing through Melbourne, or working here, and they have been wonderful - not to mention great looking! Men who spend a lot of time travelling for work, have few connections and spend an awful lot of time in the gym. But what I really like is the openness. There's no agonizing, no pretending, no need not to discuss that you are on a website. I've had some great, amusing laugh out loud conversations during these dates - the good, the bad and the ugly. The gorgeous man from the Gold Coast asked me how I was finding the website we encountered one another on.
"Hit and miss" I responded
With a wry grin he chuckled and said:
"More miss than hit", eyebrow raised we both laughed and went back to what we had been doing.

It's above all, easier than actually dating someone for any length of time.

And notes to self - beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder - one of the sites has room to categorize one's looks - I've just recently changed mine from "Average" to ":See my photo" - it's a judgement call I can't quite make for myself - and I'm always taken aback when someone is really complimentary. It's easy to dismiss the messages telling you you are beautiful, or pretty, or hot (all of which I hate), but when it's someone you have actually met and enjoyed meeting it's a little more confronting. The Carpenter and I have been communicating - we did discuss deleting one another, but neither of us could quite bring ourselves to do so. Amongst  my rationalizations was that he is a lovely guy. Sweet, and with a conscience, funny, exceptionally good looking and with an amazing body. I was gob-smacked when he told me that's what he thought about me... before I'd even mentioned my thoughts to him. - and I am constantly amazed when someone I find really attractive feels that way about me - especially when they are 10 or more years younger.It's also much easier to date against type than I thought - most of these men have had dark hair and eyes, and it's not causing me any problems! Unlike dating my type... After months of exchanging messages and never quite being able to connect I finally got to meet the News Editor. We went out for a drink at one of his local pubs in Sth Melbourne. Where we ran into de Riguer. Slightly awkward to have to introduce two men who share a very similar appearance to one another - and seeing that recognition on both their faces - the unspoken acknowledgement that I'd been with one, and was now with the other. Neither looked terribly impressed, and I had to smile and promise to catch up while I had my hand take  by the other and was led away.Their obvious similarities made me pinch myself.

But back to the point - I switched my "Average" judgement call to "See my photo" because I've seen one too many men who rate themselves as "Attractive" or "Very Attractive" when I would put them at below average - it's a judgement call, and very subjective... and not a little immodest.And I'm tired of people who just wont show you a photo of their face - intimate photos of every other part of their body, but not their face? What gives? Is that the values of the world - that everything is on display but one's face? Reverse Victorianism?

If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with

So I knew the day would come - yesterday I went to meet with someone. He bore no resemblance to his profile - Hot hunk was more like - disheveled, aging paunchy hulk. About 15 years older than he claimed, and 15 (or more) kilos than his profile photo, a picture of a well sculpted torso - which I now suspect to be someone else entirely. Of course me being me, I didn't hesitate to tell him so - and boy did he retaliate! Like a 5 year old having a tantrum - oh and the vitriolic email after telling me my photos were clearly taken 10 years ago. Of course this caused me self doubt. Anxiousness - but I had to remind myself, the Carpenter from last week, the High Rise Building Construction Manager from Friday, the Ad Man, who I saw again last week, and the Chemical Engineer I had a second date with on Thursday didn't seem to think so. Of course they are all young, healthy and look like their profile pictures. So why so much doubt caused by one aging, bitter Lothario? And one who, after accusing me, had removed his photos entirely? Did he just loathe himself for his dishonesty and make me pay for holding up the accusatory mirror?

Because it taps into that tiny bit of self doubt I think we all carry. The tiny inner voice - will he like me? Am I pretty enough?  Of course the aforementioned aren't all perfect - the Carpenter called me on Friday, quite keen to catch up again, but when I talked to him much later in the night and many drinks later, his inquiry of whether I would still want to see him if he started seeing his ex again left an unusual pall over that particular encounter. The Building boy wanted to see me again to, but I'm not so sure that will happen. Grain of salt.
Am I being too flippant? Maybe - but I am damn well enjoying myself at the moment. On Friday the exhortations of a male friend telling me I must choose one made me indignant. Why? Why must I choose one? Clearly it hasn't worked for me in the past. And if I'm not hurting anyone, least of all myself, I'm good with that.

And there are so many - I'm at the point where I am no longer even disappointed when the cancellations happen. On Friday I'd triple booked, and not one of those dates happened, but the Building Boy did. They just pop up out of nowhere.- almost literally. My Saturday lunch date cancelled - I was annoyed at that. I'd had to get up really early to get my hair cut and I could have stayed in bed longer - end result was going shopping and meeting my housemate for a lovely lunch and shopping some more with her! Much more wonderful than a potentially awkward lunch with a stranger! Saturday nights date too was cancelled - quite a relief to have a night in when I was so exhausted from the night before and the day's activities rather than meeting at the Grand Hyatt for cocktails and dinner...

So, don't make me choose, I have decision fatigue.