So I knew the day would come - yesterday I went to meet with someone. He bore no resemblance to his profile - Hot hunk was more like - disheveled, aging paunchy hulk. About 15 years older than he claimed, and 15 (or more) kilos than his profile photo, a picture of a well sculpted torso - which I now suspect to be someone else entirely. Of course me being me, I didn't hesitate to tell him so - and boy did he retaliate! Like a 5 year old having a tantrum - oh and the vitriolic email after telling me my photos were clearly taken 10 years ago. Of course this caused me self doubt. Anxiousness - but I had to remind myself, the Carpenter from last week, the High Rise Building Construction Manager from Friday, the Ad Man, who I saw again last week, and the Chemical Engineer I had a second date with on Thursday didn't seem to think so. Of course they are all young, healthy and look like their profile pictures. So why so much doubt caused by one aging, bitter Lothario? And one who, after accusing me, had removed his photos entirely? Did he just loathe himself for his dishonesty and make me pay for holding up the accusatory mirror?
Because it taps into that tiny bit of self doubt I think we all carry. The tiny inner voice - will he like me? Am I pretty enough? Of course the aforementioned aren't all perfect - the Carpenter called me on Friday, quite keen to catch up again, but when I talked to him much later in the night and many drinks later, his inquiry of whether I would still want to see him if he started seeing his ex again left an unusual pall over that particular encounter. The Building boy wanted to see me again to, but I'm not so sure that will happen. Grain of salt.
Am I being too flippant? Maybe - but I am damn well enjoying myself at the moment. On Friday the exhortations of a male friend telling me I must choose one made me indignant. Why? Why must I choose one? Clearly it hasn't worked for me in the past. And if I'm not hurting anyone, least of all myself, I'm good with that.
And there are so many - I'm at the point where I am no longer even disappointed when the cancellations happen. On Friday I'd triple booked, and not one of those dates happened, but the Building Boy did. They just pop up out of nowhere.- almost literally. My Saturday lunch date cancelled - I was annoyed at that. I'd had to get up really early to get my hair cut and I could have stayed in bed longer - end result was going shopping and meeting my housemate for a lovely lunch and shopping some more with her! Much more wonderful than a potentially awkward lunch with a stranger! Saturday nights date too was cancelled - quite a relief to have a night in when I was so exhausted from the night before and the day's activities rather than meeting at the Grand Hyatt for cocktails and dinner...
So, don't make me choose, I have decision fatigue.
No comments:
Post a Comment