I'll be the first to confess, just like the real world, the on-line world can be confusing, depressing amusing. Reading between the lines is just as difficult as all the unspoken things that fo on between two people when they first meet. The on-line introduction should make things easier - but it doesn't. While I'm often flippant about this forum, it's sometimes hard to sort the wheat from the chaff, and have a good perspective on things. One needs to be thick skinned. There are bores, narcissists, and the very very strange and it's easy to give in to despair. The other night however, I discovered a much more fun way to deal with things - my housemate and I sat down together and went on-line. It was hilarious! We could compare bad profiles, giggle at awful photos and exchange shrieks of delight or horror. Much more fun browsing with someone to confirm one's thoughts than alone. She also introduced me to something I'd not indulged in in the on-line world., the concept of browsing profiles. I confess - I've never actually gone searching on dating sites - I've always just reponded either yes or no to requests or messages.
We dug up some horrors - the guy who was so proscriptive about the kind of women he did not want to meet (about 750 words worth who then scathing concluded his diatribe wit hthe disclaimer that he did n't believe that there was anyone out there because no one had ever sent him a contact request - hmmm, I wonder had the concept that why - his negative, misogynist post, dismissing most of the female population of Melbourne might have something to do with this?).
Whether spurred on by my compadre, or in the interest of providing fodder for my social experiment I accepted requests from two men I never normally would. The first was a 20 year old with a set of ridiculous photographs. The universe is eternally confusing - he turned out to articulate, witty and interesting. I just hope he understands why I deleted him - as well as the aforementioned blooming romance, I am NEVER going to date a man who is 20, and lives at home with his parents and sister (who has just had a baby) in Hoppers Crossing. The other was one of those incredibly vain profiles - no photo (which I never usually respond to). He described how extremely good looking he was, and how great he is in bed - now I know it was the wine and the hilarity of shared incredulity and mirth but this was beyond the pale. An exchange of "hi's"and then a message that read "You look like a sex maniac'. All over in 2 minutes. Delete profile. And cacklle hysterically. I wonder if I am doing something wrong? Are we supposed to respond in kind? My response would have been, "Can't say the same... don't know what you look like". But I'm jaded - and can't be bothered. Meanwhile my housemate was receiving the my most hated question - "What are you looking for?". I suggested my standard response: World Peace and a p-acket of Tim Tams that never runs out. It's my wheat/chaff sorter. I was reminded of a date I'd gone on. I met the guy without knowing what he looked like. In typical Melbourne fashion the weather put on a spectacular show, and so I sheltered in the doorway of a convenience store at the designated meeting point and enduring the embarrassment of asking several men who were only sheltering from the storm whether they were the guy I was waiting for. He eventually turned up and was NOTHING akin to his description. The type of bald that is cringe-worthy (comb-over). A bad 70s style moustache (compensation for the lack of hair????) and a physique that was so far from the described athletic" it was unbelievable. Dinner was excruciating - as he sat opposite me,stripping me with his beady, protruding eyes, and his lizard like tongue moistening his pale lips, I felt as though I was on the menu. I couldn't wait to get away. I think he's been in this situation before, as I waited for the end of the meal, and my opportunity to pay and walk away he snuck off and paid the bill. Of course then I felt obligated to go and have a drink after dinner. He decided we should go to the Gin Palace, all the while talking about his joy of meeting women who are sexually like-minded and free. UGGGGHHHH. Okay - so to end the torment I told him I was going to the ladies, and escaped out into the rain. I actually ran full pelt down the alley and around the corner and then collapsed laughing not a little hysterically and gasping for air. Never again will I organise a meeting with someone who won't post a photo. Oh, and I'm a lot better now at just saying no when someone I don't have any connection with turns up. I don't do dinner as a first date either - it's much easier to walk away from a coffee or a drink than it is a dinner. All that's needed is a little balance and perspective. While I can sit and laugh at this now, I was terrified at the time - the sleazy guy who manipulated and controlled and wouldn't take no for an answer - escaping a dark , basement bar is an adventure now, but a nightmare at the time, and not something anyone should have to endure. Of course there's all kinds of crazy in the real world too - and sometimes I wonder, if a guy wants to have sex, or get a blow=job so badly that he will try intimidating a woman into it, why won't he just pay for it? At least the transaction is more honest - or is that the problem? The lies he has told himself are bigger and all-encompassing, and he can't see that by intimidating a woman to the point where she "consents" to have sexual congress with him out of fear or obligation isn't worse than handing over a few dollars????
At least on-line there's the ability to walk away more easily, but sometimes that['s not the case. I've encountered complete and utter nut cases - one in particular cyber stalked me - and I do mean it. This was an older gent with a screw loose and a propensity for delusion. He sent me daily messages which contained highly detailed erotic fantasises. When I didn't respond he took it further - he found out my name, and where I lived and posted threatening emails. He constructed a fake profile on a sex website where he had photoshopped my face on to explicit pornographic pictures and advertised me as available for gang-bangs, then sent me the link and threatened to send it to all of my workmates. Stupidly he had attached his real name to my messages - so I googled him, found out a bit about him, and with the help of The Liar, fought back. He had been a lawyer, or was qualified as one - so when I threatened to go to the police with everything and mentioned the penalties for identity theft and stalking he desisted. It could have been so much worse, but it wasn't. I was lucky, but I am now always careful - no full names, no email contact and no hints on-line as to where I work - I never want to have to deal with anything like that again. Then again, as Mr B is wont to say: I do tend to collect strange men!
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