Define "Bad Boy"

Ok, the past week's shenanigans has given me pause to reflect AGAIN of the nature of attraction, what one's type is and really - what constitutes a "bad boy". I guess I need to back track a little, and reflect on the varied men in my life and take note, they're not so varied.... I was brought up short by my lovely housemate early this week, who with hands on hips admonished me - "Don't go out with this man. I know you like bad boys, and he's the ultimate bad boy, so don't expect me to hold your hand and clean up the mess when it ends in tears." I laughed her off "What, his tears?". Great to be flippant, but she's right. And I did go out with him, and he has asked me out again, and already cancelled at the last minute. But that's ok.And it is true - she googled him and found out way more than anyone usually should - that's the thing about former international sportsmen - nothing to hide.

I've never been one to be overly anxious to please my partner - in any subservient sense of the word, and I scoff at the notion of there being one perfect person for one, but given thought, my leanings toward those who are, well, not quite normal, fully functioning men are interesting. Let's just say I like the silent , non-communicative type, and ironically fume against their inability to communicate. There is a pattern. I love men who are outwardly confident, and slightly demanding. But not too much. Two things you need to know about me, I don't take kindly to being told what to do. And I don't take kindly to being told what to do. I also find compliments difficult to handle. It's taken many years to just smile and say thank you when someone does pay me a compliment, and not make objections.

I remember being head over heels in my early twenties with the poet. We met at a birthday party - which happened to be on a boat which took the party between Williamstown and the docks in Melbourne for the evening. It's the first time I've looked across a room (well cabin) and thought - mmm, I want HIM!!!! And then gone and done exactly that. We both had issues - both under 25 and straight out of long term relationships, not sure what we were doing and where we were going - but there were nights later when we would be at the Public Bar in Nth Melbourne and he'd look at me across the pool table, My heart would leap into my throat, and he'd finish the game and without a word we would be in a cab, holding hands and going back to his place.Complicit silence. He was bad. Alcohol, drugs, gambling. I remember nights when he'd hand me his ATM card as we went to the casino and he instructed me that no matter what he did or said,was I under any circumstances to give it back to him. Argh. This man would take a beer into the shower with him, and I was entranced. Artistic temperament, soulful and just suffering from melancholy which he self medicated, I could not stay away. Funnily enough though, I had the guard up - even though I would drop everything at a moments notice to see him, I never really let him into my life - I became a frequent fixture at his place - I'll never forget the look on his housemates face when I emerged wearing his shirt one morning to go to the bathroom and answered a question about a music track he was playing to the other housemate - he'd been playing snatches from an album and asking the other hapless housemate if he knew who it was - I emerged and pronounced "Charlie Sexton" and he nearly fell over - yelling to the poet that "your new chick is amazing". Hehe The poet often lamented that I didn't invite him to my place, he never met any of my friends, with the exception of the mutual friend who had introduced us, and a particular gripe with him, that I always, always woke up and snuck out of the house before he woke up. I adored this man, and turned a blind eye to the bad behaviour, until one night I couldn't and held him while I waited fro an ambulance to respond to my call. He died before they arrived, and it was way too late for Narcan. Any wonder that my next relationship was with a born again Christian?

My date last week with Bad Boy was startlingly frank - or he was anyway. He inspected me and asked me if I was interested. When I asked why, without hesitation he responded " Your gorgeous - I'd fuck you in a heartbeat"
I was amused, and bemused - it's only on reflection of who he is, and his former success, and what it's cost him that leaves me at ease with that - I wouldn't take that from anyone else. Except I did from The Liar. Another bad boy with emotional issues and a tough upbringing. and de Riguer. and one of the two men I met this weekend. And it's why, even though the Chemical Engineer I dated on Wednesday was amusing and fun and intelligent, I won't be seeing him again, Nor will I see the guy from South America who took me out for lunch on Saturday and was a perfect gentleman  either. I don't do perfect gentleman. Not for very long, anyway.